Previously, on my note:
“maybe a dream postponed isn’t a dream abandoned, maybe it’s just waiting for a version of you that finally has room to carry it.”
I never thought of myself as someone ‘privileged.’ I simply…never see it that way.
I struggled too, Lord knows how many sleepless night I had to go through before finally taking one tiny step towards my dream.
No money, no direction, just a fresh graduate kid who’s trying to make ends meet.
The journey I had to go through in order to be where I’m at is…terrifying. I had to move to a city I’ve never stayed for more than a week before, starting new in a path (creative) that none of my family ever went through before, trying out new things even though I barely know what ‘adulting’ means…maybe terrifying is the right word after all.
I grow up among the people who do business for work and I’m not talking small businesses, I’m talking a large industrial—very much the opposite of what I’m doing—type of businesses. So when I first started chasing, whatever it was at that time, they laughed at me. Not mockingly, more like ‘you can’t be serious’ type of look.
But I went anyway. Not knowing exactly what I’m gonna do, but I know my heart calls for it so I took that 3 hours flight with no money, no clear direction, no guarantee whether I’ll make it out or not—but I just wing it.
Started of as a photographer assistant,
To lighting assistant,
To a producer,
Sometimes a set designer,
I put a use to my Photoshop skill,
Then someone hired me as a videographer
And suddenly, 5 years went by. Pretty quickly too. And although I’m on a way better place than I am before, still, no one knows what’s gonna come next.
“Follow your dream.”
It’s probably one of the most well-intentioned pieces of advice ever created, but it’s also one of the least complete.
Because somewhere along the way, we started talking about dreams as if they’re purely a matter of courage, as if the only thing separating people from the life they want is whether they’re brave enough to chase it—but bravery isn’t always the missing ingredient.
Sometimes it’s rent.
Sometimes it’s caregiving.
Sometimes it’s exhaustion.
And sometimes it’s just…life.
Cause in between of me trying to find my “identity”,
My dad had to go through a major surgery,
My mom lost her right vision by 98%,
My brother had to drop his work to take care of dad full time,
I got SA-ed by someone I called ‘family’…but that’s for another story to tell.
See? life happens.
There was a time where I feel like each time I fall, I fall deeper.
But through everything that I went through, I learned the hard way that I simply have to pull myself back up.
Cause one of the hardest pill to swallow is that opportunity doesn’t wait until you’re ‘okay’, you either strong enough to snatch it or it’ll go straight past you.
BUT.
I also believe that the right opportunity will come to you at the right time; you just have to be aware enough to know that it’s coming.
The more people I meet, the less I believe passion is the biggest predictor of success. I’ve met incredibly talented people who had to stop creating because life became expensive. I’ve met people overflowing with ideas who simply couldn’t afford another year of uncertainty. I’ve also met people who looked incredibly ‘disciplined’, only to realize they were standing on foundations they didn’t build alone.
Support.
Savings.
Time.
A safety net.
Those aren’t shortcuts, they’re resources.
And resources shape possibilities.
It’s about making use to whatever situation you are in, to the fullest.
You can start from wherever you are in your life, there’s no limit.
But are you willing to take the risk of uncertainty?
A couple of years ago I wanted to start a clothing brand with my brother.
The ideas were there.
The logo existed.
Packaging samples arrived.
I even printed little gifts I wanted every customer to receive.
The only thing left…
…was to begin.
Then life happened.
Responsibilities grew,
Family needed us elsewhere.
Little by little, the project became quieter and before we know it, it’s just sitting quietly in one of our dusted folder that we never get to open. For a long time I saw that as failure but nowadays…I think we just ran out of room.
After I get back on my feet for the 23452432x, I realized, “wow, I had the privilege to start again for the 2345432 times.” and that becomes my drive.
I might not have the smoothest beginning to this journey but the fact that I’m still standing here, with all of these ideas in my head and wanting to share it to the people I love? I see that as a privilege.
There’s a sentence I wrote recently while helping my brother to bring his creative journey back to life:
“I want him to understand that progress is still progress, even if there’s nothing physical to show yet.”
Half way through writing it I realized, I wasn’t writing about him.
I was writing to an older version of myself.
Because if progress only counts when there’s
a launched product,
a signed client,
a viral post,
or your first sale…
Then there are months—sometimes years—where it feels like nothing is happening.
But if progress also includes
clarifying an idea,
researching competitors,
learning a new skill,
rewriting your portfolio,
building better systems,
or simply refusing to quit…the story suddenly looks very different.
Not everything valuable is immediately visible.
There’s an interesting pattern I’ve noticed in myself. Whenever one idea falls apart I don’t immediately ask “what did I lose?” instead I ask “what should I build next?”
It’ wasn’t always like that.
The first year of freelancing…I fell hard.
When something failed, I disappeared.
Months would pass before I’d try again.
Literally eight months ago, I did something similar.
I quietly stepped away from parts of myself I thought I had already built.
Then, little by little, I came back.
Not because disappointment hurt less.
But because disappointment stopped being the end of the story.
It became one chapter inside a much longer one.
I’ve personally given up so many times but looking back, I don’t think that’s true anymore. A more accurate sentence might be: “I’ve let go of many versions of my plans.” Those aren’t the same thing.
I didn’t stop creating, I changed the route.
One business became another.
One opportunity became a different opportunity.
One dream transformed into something I couldn’t have imagined years earlier.
Sometimes surviving isn’t the thing preventing the dream, maybe surviving is exactly what reshapes it.
This is why I struggle whenever someone says, “If you really wanted it, you’d make it happen.”
Maybe.
Sometimes.
But not always.
Sometimes wanting something isn’t the limiting factor, capacity is.
Dream doesn’t only require ambition, they require room.
Room to fail.
Room to rest.
Room to experiment.
Room to be bad before becoming good.
And room is a luxury not everyone has at the same moment in life.
Recognizing that doesn’t make people less responsible for their future, it makes us more compassionate towards the paths they’re walking.
Ironically, I think the people who eventually reach their dream aren’t necessarily the ones who never stopped. They’re often the ones who kept returning. After disappointment, after detours, after jobs they never planned to take. After dreams that quietly expired. They kept asking, “What’s the next step?”
Maybe that’s why I don’t romanticize chasing dreams anymore. I romanticize returning to them.
Because returning means that even though life interrupted you, you still found your way back and to me, that’s far more beautiful.
Maybe living your dream is a privilege.
But continuing to believe you’re allowed to have one—even after life asks you to postpone it—might be a different kind of courage, and I think that’s the kind I’m still trying to learn. Still learning, always curious.
– a curious creative
Penny for your thoughts? 🪙
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